TED Talk Notes: The Three Secrets of Resilient People by Lucy Hone

Dr. Lucy Hone’s statement, “Adversity doesn’t discriminate” captured my heart. It revealed a truth I’d been living for a long time with those I serve as their pastor, the larger community and world I serve, and my own experience.

If adversity is a universal experience, could it be resilience is also universally accessible?

I and Dr. Hone agree. Yes!

After sharing her own experience of crushing loss, Dr. Hone says, “I didn’t need to be told how bad things were. Believe me, I already knew things were truly terrible. What I needed most was hope. I needed a journey through all that anguish, pain, and longing.”

She offers these strategies for rising up from adversity, for accessing resilience.

1. Resilient people know suffering is a part of life for all humans.

2. Resilient people carefully assess situations, knowing what they can and cannot change. We are hardwired to notice the negative. “Our threat focus, our stress response, is permanently dialed up.” Resilient people notice both the negative and the good. Focusing attention on the good, such as practicing gratitude, brings perspective and higher levels of happiness. Finding the good takes intentionality and effort.

3. Resilient people ask themselves, “Is what I’m doing helping me or harming me?” This powerful question provides boundaries and control over decisionmaking.

She closes with, “I won’t pretend that thinking this way is easy. And it doesn’t remove all the pain. But if I’ve learned anything over the last five years, it’s that thinking this way really does help. More than anything it has shown me that it is possible to live and grieve at the same time and for that, I will be always grateful.”

flower breaking through concrete

What strategies help you grow and stay resilient? 

From the official TED Talk Notes: “Dr. Lucy Hone is a director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, a research associate at AUT University, a published academic researcher, best-selling author and contributor to Psychology Today, the Sunday Star Times and Next magazine.”

Dr. Hone’s book is Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything.

Micah 7:8, ESV
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

Romans 5:1-5 ESV
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

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Ted Talk Summary © 2019 Lisa Ann Moss Degrenia
Leave a comment for information and permission to publish this work in any form.

What’s Rising Up in You While Staying at Home? (Matthew 16)

Sermon Series Bread 1110 x 624Lenten Sermon Series: Bread
This sermon series was inspired by the book Taste and See: Discovering God Among Butchers, Bakers, and Fresh Food Makers by Margaret Feinberg.

Message 4 of 5: What’s Rising Up in You While Staying at Home?
Scriptures: Matthew 16:5-12
Notes from a message offered Sunday, 3/22/2020 via Facebook Live for Trinity United Methodist Church, Sarasota Florida. Click Here for a video of me leading worship from my home office, including the message which starts around the 24-minute mark.

Elan Gale is an author and television producer best known for his work on The Bachelor. On twitter (@theyearofelan), he started a game called Your Quarantine Nickname– how you feel right now + the last thing you ate out of the cupboard. (ie snack)

I put the game up on Facebook and here are a few of the answers.
Nadine- Blessed Strawberry
Lynn- Blessed Avocado Toast
June- Sleepy Peanut Butter
Stacey- Tired Oreo Thins
Susan- Happy Biscuit
Sam- Happy Dark Chocolate
Sherrill- Chipper Almond Chips
Cheri- Tolerable Acceptance Cherry Turnover
Mine is Privileged Apple

It’s a silly game. We need some laughter and silliness right now. It’s quite fun to see what everyone likes to snack on. It’s also a helpful game. It helps us identify our feelings, what is rising up in us during this time of pandemic and physical distancing.

Let’s think of what’s rising up inside of us like yeast. A tiny bit of yeast mixed with dough makes bread rise.

Our feelings can feel big or little, but they work like yeast. Whatever feeling is going on inside of us mixes into the whole of us. It causes things to rise- our perspective, our words, our actions. What’s rising up in you?

Matthew 16:5-12, The Yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees
5 When the disciples reached the other side, they had forgotten to bring any bread. 6 Jesus said to them, “Watch out, and beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” 7 They said to one another, “It is because we have brought no bread.” 8 And becoming aware of it, Jesus said, “You of little faith, why are you talking about having no bread? 9 Do you still not perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? 10 Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? 11 How could you fail to perceive that I was not speaking about bread? Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees!” 12 Then they understood that he had not told them to beware of the yeast of bread, but of the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

What is Yeast? According to the Food Network 
“Yeast is a living microscopic single-cell organism that, as it grows, converts its food (through a process known as fermentation) into alcohol and carbon dioxide. This trait is what endears yeast to winemakers, brewmasters, and bread bakers.

Yeast produces bubbles in beer and champagne, alcohol in beer and wine, and a light, fluffy loaf of bread.

To multiply and grow, all yeast needs is the right environment, which includes moisture, food (in the form of sugar or starch) and a warm, nurturing temperature (70 to 85 degrees F is best). Wild yeast spores are constantly floating in the air and landing on uncovered foods and liquids.”

Yeast is everywhere, it’s wild. A basic mixture of water and flour, given enough time, will rise on its own. Water + flour + time = leavened bread. Leavened bread’s been around for over 5,000 years, since at least the time of the Egyptians. Commercial yeast wasn’t invented until 1868.

Yeast is also part of a healthy mix of bacteria in your gut. It can help you absorb vitamins and minerals from your food, and even fight disease.

Yeast is everywhere. yeast is wild. Yeast is already in you.

Jesus isn’t warning us about an outside contaminant- that virus, that bread, those people, the teaching of those people. Jesus is reminding us that the same yeast in the Pharisees and Sadducees is already in us.

The Pharisees were rabbis, teachers. The Sadducees were the clergy overseeing worship at the Temple in Jerusalem. I’m a teacher and I’m clergy. I need to hear this passage. We all need to hear this passage. I have the same tendency to take a good gift of God and twist it into something controlling and not of God.

What’s rising up within you. Our real enemy isn’t what rises up in others, but what rises within us.

We may all be snacking right now, but we’re also all fasting right now.

  • Fasting certain activities- work, school, shopping, sports, appointments
  • Fasting independence because we believe it will save lives. We’re in self-quarantine. We’re not traveling. There are borders closing.
  • Fasting face to face contact- families are separated, healthcare workers are living at the hospital

What does fasting do? It removes filters and brings up what’s inside of us. It can bring up the good, but it can also bring up the junk.

What’s rising up in you during this time of unknown and isolation? All feelings are welcomed by God. Feel all the feels. Feelings can have shadow sides. They can get twisted into something that’s harmful to us and harmful to others.

Are you feeling concern or has it been twisted into worry? There’s a difference. Worry puts us into a fight, flight, or freeze mindset. Concern opens us up. Concern seeks the truth and turns it into compassion towards myself and others

Are you feeling grief/lament or has it been twisted into despair? Lament is a good gift of God. There’s an entire book of the Bible called Lamentations. This past week I had some ugly, snot running down my face, wailing moments lamenting the news that people were dying alone and grieving alone because of the quarantines. I was undone.

Maybe you’re grieving events being postponed or canceled? Weddings are being postponed. Graduations are being canceled. Many of this year’s high school graduates were preschoolers in the shadow of 9/11.

Despair is a twist of grief/lament. It’s hopelessness, “all is lost”, and disconnects us from God. Grief/Lament acknowledges the loss and disappointment but keeps us moving through it honestly. The process of grief/lament helps us release what we thought would happen so we can begin to imagine how things can happen differently.

Are you feeling brokenhearted or angry? People need access to medical testing and treatment. People aren’t able to work and need financial help. Brokenhearted, righteous anger rises up in us calling us to justice and action. This is wrong and something must be done. Our motivation is driven by empathy and compassion.

Anger can get twisted into hardheartedness and destructive anger. The world and others are a threat so I begin to blame, judge, avoid, control, and fix. This may have happened to the Pharisees and Sadduccees given the Roman oppression and apathy of God’s people to practice their faith.

Rick Warren said, “In the Bible, yeast is often a metaphor for pride and arrogance. Why? When you put yeast in dough, what does it do? It puffs it up, and if you put in too much, it blows it up.”

My quarantine name is Privileged Apple. I can work from home. I have the technology I need. I have a job. There are folks whose jobs and paychecks have disappeared. I want this to draw me to love and bless my neighbor with all that I have.

My privilege could draw me into arrogance and classism. I have the advantages which would allow me to stockpile and hoard and protect me at the expense of my neighbor. That is not the love of God. The love of God means I take care of myself in light of taking care of others. I remember my neighbor, care for my neighbor because we’re all connected. We’re all beloved of God.

I see so much goodness rising up in you. Recognizing the blessing of God, the peace of God, the joy of the Lord which is our strength. Allow it to flow through your hands and hearts to others.

If you’re feeling something else, feel all the feels, yet allow the perspective of God to move in you and through you for your good.

Philippians 4:8-9
8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

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What’s Rising Up in You While Staying at Home? © 2020 Lisa Ann Moss Degrenia
Leave a comment for information and permission to publish this work in any form.

Prayer- Most Blessed, Most Beautiful Christ

christus-hand-lds-adapted

1 Corinthians 3:21-23 NRSV
So let no one boast about human leaders. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all belong to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God.

Most blessed, most beautiful Christ,
in you, we receive all things

The receiving takes growth, so you give us guiding-
saints and sages and scripture
Thank you for the guiding

The receiving takes others, so you give us the world-
nature and neighbors and nations
Thank you for the world

The receiving takes change, so you give us seasons-
life and death and new life
Thank you for the seasons

The receiving takes time, so you give us time-
present and future and forever
Thank you for the time

Most blessed, most beautiful Christ
You give us yourself
And in you, O Christ
We belong
To you and to God and to all
Thank you for the giving

For a worship setting, consider the following version. One voice prays the portion in regular print while the congregation prays the portion in bold print.

Most blessed, most beautiful Christ,
in you, we receive all things

The receiving takes growth, so you give us guiding-
saints and sages and scripture
Thank you for the guiding
in you, we receive all things

The receiving takes others, so you give us the world-
nature and neighbors and nations
Thank you for the world
in you, we receive all things

The receiving takes change, so you give us seasons-
life and death and new life
Thank you for the seasons
in you, we receive all things

The receiving takes time, so you give us time-
present and future and forever
Thank you for the time
in you, we receive all things

Most blessed, most beautiful Christ
You give us yourself
And in you, O Christ
We belong
To you and to God and to all
Thank you for the giving
in you, we receive all things

The congregation now offers their own prayers of thanksgiving, concluding with the Lord’s Prayer

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Most Blessed, Most Beautiful Christ © 2014 Lisa Ann Moss Degrenia
You are welcome to use this work in a worship setting with proper attribution. (by Lisa Ann Moss Degrenia, http://www.revlisad.com) Please leave a comment for information and permission to publish this work in any form.

TED Talk Notes: The Three Secrets of Resilient People by Lucy Hone

Dr. Lucy Hone’s statement, “Adversity doesn’t discriminate” captured my heart. It revealed a truth I’d been living for a long time with those I serve as their pastor, the larger community and world I serve, and my own experience.

If adversity is a universal experience, could it be resilience is also universally accessible?

I and Dr. Hone agree. Yes!

After sharing her own experience of crushing loss, Dr. Hone says, “I didn’t need to be told how bad things were. Believe me, I already knew things were truly terrible. What I needed most was hope. I needed a journey through all that anguish, pain, and longing.”

She offers these strategies for rising up from adversity, for accessing resilience.

1. Resilient people know suffering is a part of life for all humans.

2. Resilient people carefully assess situations, knowing what they can and cannot change. We are hardwired to notice the negative. “Our threat focus, our stress response, is permanently dialed up.” Resilient people notice both the negative and the good. Focusing attention on the good, such as practicing gratitude, brings perspective and higher levels of happiness. Finding the good takes intentionality and effort.

3. Resilient people ask themselves, “Is what I’m doing helping me or harming me?” This powerful question provides boundaries and control over decisionmaking.

She closes with, “I won’t pretend that thinking this way is easy. And it doesn’t remove all the pain. But if I’ve learned anything over the last five years, it’s that thinking this way really does help. More than anything it has shown me that it is possible to live and grieve at the same time and for that, I will be always grateful.”

flower breaking through concrete

What strategies help you grow and stay resilient? 

From the official TED Talk Notes: “Dr. Lucy Hone is a director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, a research associate at AUT University, a published academic researcher, best-selling author and contributor to Psychology Today, the Sunday Star Times and Next magazine.”

Dr. Hone’s book is Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything.

Micah 7:8, ESV
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

Romans 5:1-5 ESV
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Prayer for Patience

looking forward

Holy One, grant me
Patience in the waiting

Raise me to be
Steadfast
Resilient
Persevering
A child of hope

New life takes time to root and grow and bear fruit
It takes trust and tending

Give me eyes to see beyond the now to the then
Give me your eyes

Psalm 130:5-6 (NIV) 
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word, I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life.
– Simone Weil

Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work.
 Peter Marshall

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Prayer for Patience © 2019 Lisa Ann Moss Degrenia
Leave a comment for information and permission to publish this work in any form.